


Where Is The Love?

by Theangelhasfallen



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abused Castiel, Alive Mary Winchester, Attempted Rape, Bottom Castiel, Bullied Castiel, Dead Jimmy Novak, Dean is in this story!, F/F, F/M, Gay Castiel, High School AU, Hungry Castiel, Hurt Castiel, Jock Dean, M/M, Neglected Castiel, Nerd Castiel, Poor Castiel, Prostitute Castiel, Protective Dean Winchester, Rich Dean, Sad Castiel, Slow Build, Smart Castiel, Student Castiel, Student Dean Winchester, Suicidal Castiel, Top Dean Winchester, deadbeat parents
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-06
Updated: 2018-01-11
Packaged: 2018-10-15 20:13:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 15
Words: 18,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10557024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Theangelhasfallen/pseuds/Theangelhasfallen
Summary: Battered, bruised and neglected Castiel attempts to struggle through high school whilst juggling two jobs and looking after his two younger sibilings and his dead-beat mother. Now is not the time for Castiel to fall head over heels for some jock with jade green eyes and an intoxicating smile.....





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hiyya, thanks for reading :) English is not my first language and sometimes I struggle with spelling and grammar, so feel free to tell me if something sounds odd or is my grammar is incorrect- thanks in advance. 
> 
> Also.... Kudos and comments make my day!

“Good morning.” Castiel said soothingly as he pushed Alfie's light brown hair off his forehead. The seven year old groaned in annoyance and fitfully stretched out on their shared mattress, but his eyes still remained firmly clamped shut. Castiel sighed.

“Alfie. UP.” Castiel demanded in his best dad voice. Nothing. Not even a slight whimper or any indication that Alfie was going to be up, dressed and ready for school in the next twenty minutes.

It was going to be that sort of morning. The sort that just suck sometimes, where nothing goes right and it ruins the day ahead. The days that Cas just wants to lay on their shitty, stained mattress and stare up at the ceiling in their two roomed, tiny apartment.

That was it.

Castiel grabbed the cover and ripped it off Alfie's small frame, exposing his shivering body to the freezing apartment. His even younger sister Hael was already and toddling round, her dark blue eyes watching the showdown with amusement as she hugged her toy cat, fluffy.

“CAASSSS!” Alfie shrieked as the cold air hit him, his small face scrunching in as much irritation as he could muster as he fixed his hazel eyes on Castiel. “No fair! Five more minutes. Pllleeaaasseee…..”

"Nope.” Cas said firmly, fixing Alfie with his icy stare which was rivalled anyone's. “I have given you as long as possible. It's time to get up now!” Alfie grumbled as he slid out of bed and Castiel watched as he pulled open the blue curtain that separated their bed from the rest of the house.

 _'Well… room.'_ Castiel though begrudgingly. They lived in a room. One room for cooking, sleeping and living in. It was tough, especially with the three of them living there. Four sometimes. When his good for nothing mother had run out of money to fuel her drug and alcohol problem and decided to poach off his hard earned profit. When she came around she slept on the ugly brown sofa standing proudly in the middle of the room, near the kitchen. That was the most she deserved.

' _It isn't her fault really._ ' Castiel’s brain helpfully supplied. His father, Jimmy Novak, committed suicide three days after Hael was born- four years ago when Cas was only thirteen years of age. It was Cas who found him. Still fully clothed, slumped in the bathtub with both the wall and his arms smothered in thick, crimson blood and the knife he has used discarded on the floor next to him. Castiel still remembers staring at him, saying nothing. Looking at his limp, lifeless body crumpled like a puppet without strings. His mind when blank and did not even register his mother, Amelia’s, anguished screams as she pushed passed him to cradle Jimmy’s body.

He remembered how she wept though. _'She's stopped now_ ', Castiel thought bitterly. ' _Stopped trying. Stopped caring. Stopped living.'_

Castiel shook his head, chasing out the nightmarish images of his dead father. He scooped up Hael and rested her on his hip, kissing the top of her head.

“All right then baby girl, what shall we wear today?” Castiel said adoringly as he bent down to examine the contents of the makeshift wardrobe made out of a cardboard box which was labelled ‘HAEL’ in large letters written in sharpie on the side.

“PINK!” Hael shrieked, grabbing towards the bright pink top. Castiel chuckled. The answer was always the same. “Pink it is then.” God she was adorable. “Now, you know what will go great with that top?” Hael shook her head, her dark hair which was pulled up into pigtails wobbling. “Your new dungarees.”

Castiel had been given them from the food bank/ help centre which he went to on a regular basis before work. There it gave them not only hot food and drink, but also clothes, blankets and sanitary products. It was an amazing place, run by an amazing woman named Pamela Barnes, or Pam as she preferred and her husband Sonny. Both had grown up in the care system and had been juggled around care homes and foster homes. They knew what it was like to be hungry.

Castiel quickly slipped Hael into her outfit and pulled open the curtain to reveal the rest of his room. Alfie was sitting silently on the brown sofa in his superman pajamas munching on a piece of dry bread.

“Alfie!” Castiel groaned. “Were leaving in 5 minutes and you need to pack your bag. Hurry up!”

"Chill out! Stop getting your panties in a twist” Alfie shoved the bread into his mouth and clambered off the sofa. He wandered nonchalantly over to his clothes box and grabbed the first thing in the pile. It was a light blue top with a colourful cartoon of superman emblazoned on the front and a pair of ragged jeans that had ripped on the knee, which had Cas had attempted to mend by sewing a red patch to cover the ripped area.

Cas walked briskly over to the bed and placed Hael next to him, ignoring her squeaks of protest. He too threw on a blue top, which had a hole on the side and sleeves which were frayed. Next came his black, washed out skinny jeans where a Cas just pretended the rips were for fashion and not because he had been wearing the same pair for two years straight. Finally his shoes.

“Shit.” He whispered under his breath. The sole on his black converse had partly ripped off the main body of his shoe. He was going to have to find some duct tape at school as he couldn't afford any luxuaries like shoes at this time. Duct tape is fine. Castiel mentally told himself. Duct Tape fixes everything.

Forcing a smile on, Cas leapt out of bed, feeling the cold, wooden floor on his bare foot. “Who's ready for school?”


	2. Chapter 2

Castiel grabbed his school bag and unlocked the door.

When they first moved in- after all their savings ran out, four month after his father's death- the door had no lock. The door was made out of tin with a hole where a lock had been. To ratify this and ensure no one from the street could just walk in, Castiel had tied a rope through the hole and tied it to a clothes hook which was fastened onto the wall next to the door. He then locked a bike lock onto the rope. This way it was impossible for anyone to get in when they themselves were inside.

‘ _Like they had anything to steal._ ’ Castiel's brain retorted. Cas sighed stepped outside, dragging Alfie and Hael behind him. He turned to lock the door but what he saw behind him made him freeze.

‘DIE IN HELL FAG’ was sprayed onto his door in luminous green spray paint. Castiel's brain went numb. He hated that word. It reminded of everything bad that had happened to him because of his sexual orientation. Every push, every shove at school. Every slap from his mother. Every time a client moaned it as just as they finishing.

“Cassie, what a, um, what a.. fag?’ Alfie asked hesitantly, seeing how his brothers blue eyes had welled up with unshed tears.

“Don't say that word Alfie.” Cas snapped but regretting it instantly as he saw his brothers brown eyes fill with tears.

“I'm sorry Alfie,” Castiel said desperately. “I know you didn't know what it meant but it's a very, very mean word and something you should never call another person. Promise me you will never, ever say this word.”

“Ok, Cassie, I'm sorry,” Alfie said quietly as he looked down as his toes, “I pinky promise I will never say that word again.”

Alfie stuck out his left pinky finger and shyly looked up at Cas. Cas knew this was Alfie's way of being serious with him, and god did it make his heart melt. Cas grabbed the little finger his his own.

“Pinky promise.” Cas pulled Alfie in an awkward hug as he tried not to squash Hael. “I love you so much, never forget it,” Cas said quietly into Alfie's silky brown hair. He kissed the top of his head and released him.

“Right. Who's ready to go?”

“Me, me!” Hael screamed happily. “I wanna be picked up.” She yelled grabbing at the bottom of his jeans, obviously annoyed at the fact that she had been excluded from his and Alfies make up session.

“Ok then munchkin,” Cas said, internally cursing himself as he thought about the seven stories of stairs that he had to climb down as the lift was broken.

It usually takes about half an hour to walk to Alfie and Hael’s primary school and another five minutes after than to walk to his own school. However, today, Castiel speculated it was taking much longer. ‘ _Perhaps it's because of my shoe_ ,’ Castiel though sadly. His sock was soaked through and he could feel every tiny piece of stone and rock pierce through his foot.

Finally, he made it to the primary school. It always made him smile when he saw it. The playground was large and spacious, always with kids running round on. The brick walls surrounding the school had been used for art lessons and were covered in paint made by the children. The school itself was a bright, buttercup yellow with blue doors and flowers and bees painted on the walls.

Cas had many good memories of this school. He remembered his dad coming to pick him up and his sprinting towards him at full pelt. He remembered being held in his arms and spinning him round as if he weighed nothing. He remembered his mother's laugh echoing through as she hugged him tight and asked if he had a good day at school and then they would go out for ice cream. Chocolate for Jimmy, vanilla for Amelia and honeycomb for Castiel.

That was a faded memory though. He hadn't seem Amelia pick up neither Alfie or Hael after Jimmy’s death. She too felt the memories, but instead of embracing them and treasuring them as Castiel does, she was just hurt by them. They were just a reminder of what they used to have, and how that was now gone.

Cas was jolted back to the present with Hael wiggling in his arms.

“Alright- bye kids!” Castiel said as he gave them a hug and a kiss on the cheek. “Have a good day at school.”

“Caaaassssssss,” Alfie shrieked indignantly as he wiped off the kiss with his sleeve. “Don't do that infront of my friends- it's not cool!”

“Ok I'm sorry,” Cas chucked. “Now I release you!”

Both of them ran into the playground at pull speed and Cas watched as Alfie went to play with his friends and Hael went to hug the teacher.

Castiel gave them one last glance, before trudging the five minutes across to his school. ‘No flowers and paintings for me,’ thought Castiel in annoyance. Nope. His school was imposing, with dark grey walls.

It reminded him of a house in book he had read when he was younger, ‘I'm the king of the Castle’, or something like that. He remembered the house being described as ‘entirely graceless, rather tall and badly angled built of dark red bricks.’

‘ _Yup that's it_.’ Castiel's brain cut in. ‘ _Entirely graceless._ ’

Taking a steadying breath Castiel made his way up the steps and through the double doors. The sting in his foot reminded him that he had to find something to fix his shoes.

He made his way into Mr Gardens classroom, of Joshua as he preferred to be called. Joshua was a history teacher and transferred two months ago. He taught Castiel about the Civil Rights movement and the Cold War. He was a fabulous teacher, always kind and soft spoken and also didn't look down on anyone. Not even him. As a consequence, Joshua quickly became Castiel's favourite teacher in the whole school. However, even him didn't know how dire Castiel's family was in poverty, and he sure as hell wasn't going to find out.

‘Gotcha,’ Cas said to himself as he triumphantly withdrew the duct Tape from the draw. He sat down and then proceeded to wrap the tape around his shoe tightly.

“Excuse me?” A soft questioning voice said behind him.

Castiel's heart jumped out of his chest as he flung the duct Tape back into the drawer and slammed the door shut.

“Sorry, um, sorry..” Castiel stuttered awkwardly, “I'm just leaving, I will see you in History, Sir.”

Castiel made a dash for the doorway, praying that Joshua hadn't seen what he had been doing. It was embarrassing. What sort of family couldn't even afford shoes?

“Castiel, wait a second.” Joshua said softly but firmly. “I want to to have a word.”

Castiel felt his shoulders slump slightly.

“Yes, sir?” Cas said as he forced a smile on. “It's just that I have algebra next and I have to pack my things.”

“This will only take a minute.” His hazel eyes staring what felt like into Castiel's soul. “Sit down.” He gestured towards one of the small chairs in the classroom.

Castiel dragged his feet over to the chair as slowly as possibility. ' _You've outdone yourself this time._ ’ His brain hissed menacingly. ‘ _Now a teacher is going to find out_.’

“Sir?” Castiel said quietly, his eyes flitting towards the door, hoping Joshua would get the message that he wanted to leave.

“Now Cas, I'm going to ask some personal questions, and I promise you can tell me in confidence that I won't judge you or your family.” Cas gulped significantly, this was heading in a shitty direction.

“I'm wondering if you have any problems at home at all?” Castiel shook his head violently.

“No sir.”

“Is our family going through any financial difficulties?”

“No sir.” Cas said, lying through his teeth. “These are just my favourite pair of converse and I didn't want to throw them out.”

‘ _Lies. Lies. Lies_!’

“My dad gave them to me for my birthday and I was sad they broke.”

Ok that bit was true. Castiel's dad had actually given them to him, only the day before he died and not for his birthday. ‘ _More like for a goodbye present_.’

The bell rang shrilly. How fucking cliched- saved by the bell. However, Cas still thanked every god in every religion out there for saving his skin

“Ok then Cas I guess you should go. I will see you in third period.” Joshua said, disappointment thick in his voice.

Castiel grabbed his bag and legged it out the door. That was too close.

“Trust me sir- I'm Ok.”

 


	3. Chapter 3

Castiel hated school. No. That was an understatement. Castiel despised school.

He hated the building. He hated the stupid jocks who made fun of him for his worn out clothes and called him derogatory names like ‘fag’ and ‘slut’. He hated the cheerleaders who sneered and gossiped at him behind his back and dared not touch him incase they ‘caught the gay.’

Castiel sighed. He was doing that a lot recently. Maybe it was just because he was exhausted. He just wanted some rest.

 _‘No rest for the wicked,_ ’ his brain complained as he trudged down the corridor to the library, crunched in on himself to make him seem as small as possible. That still didn't stop him being shoved left, right and centre by his fellow peers. He grunted softly as a particularly well aimed elbow made it into the centre of his stomach.

Finally, he made it to the library. The library was his safe haven. A place where he could relax and not worry about anyone or anything. Not worry about being beaten up; about being shoved in dumpsters; about returning to his shitty apartment; about dealing with his stupid mother; about worrying about food, Alfie and Hael. Without having to worry about being used by another client.

But he was so alone.

He watched as his peers walking down the corridor to lunch laughing and joking together, with arms slung round each other and with smiles so uncaring and naive.

Why couldn't god just give him a break and grant him one friend. Just one.

‘ _No time for friends_ ,’ his brain hissed, ‘ _we don't need anyone_.’

Cas started with a jolt. He realised that he had just been standing there watching students filter past the library door. He turned his gaze to the floor and hurriedly made his way to the back of the library which was hidden from the view of the door, sat down and pulled out statistics homework and his glasses from his bag.

His glasses were owl-shaped glasses with a thick rim and tape wrapped round the middle where they sat on his nose. He got them dirt cheap from Walmart but they did the job, even if they did make him look nerdy.

Well, he was a nerd. Not in the dragons and knights kinda way but smart kinda way. He got straight A's across the board and was in AP classes for all his subjects.

He did homework for all of break and most of lunch, only stopping when he went to the cafeteria (also known as hell on earth) to get his free, state provided food. Although it tasted like dirt, it was the only other hot, non- microwaveable meal he got outside of Pam’s food bank.

Cas looked over at the clock which was mounted on the wall.

‘ _How the hell do I only have ten minutes left_ ,’ Cas wondered to himself thoughtfully.

He grabbed his maths homework, pleased that he had managed to finish it and shoved it in his bag.

Bracing himself, he walked out of the library, down the corridor to the cafeteria.

His eyes darted left and right looking for potential danger (aka Uriel and Alister) the two bullies who liked to make his life even worse than it already is.

Seeing no one, he walked hesitantly out to join the lunch queue. He showed his pass the lunch lady signaling that he got free lunch and grabbed the food and sat down st an empty table.

It was a warm cheese and tuna toastie with salad on the side. For pudding there was a large chocolate chip cookie. However, although Cas wanted to, he wrapped his cookie up in a tissue, saving it for Alfie and Hael when they got home.

Cas hurriedly shoved the toastie down his threat. The dry bread scratched his throat, making him wish that he had a drink, but that didn't slow him down.

The toastie was nearly down until a shock of ice cold liquid was poured onto the top of his head. Drenching him completely. The milk was free flowing like condensation on a window pane. It beaded on his forehead and dripped from his chin, white and shimming. He felt his clothes stick uncomfortably to his thin body and squelched embarrassingly when he turned hesitantly to see who had thrown the milk on his

It was the usual lot: Alister, Uriel, Lisa and Bella were in hysterics. Their pounding laughter echoed in his ears.

He had to get out. He couldn't stand it. The laughter…  
  
He shoved past the bullies, their jeers and jives stabbing him in the back as he sprinted away.

“Run faggot!”

“Go find a cock to suck”

“Awww look he's going to cry”

“LITTLE BITCH!”

Castiel sprinted to the boys bathroom at fast as he could, ignoring the stabbing pain in his side. He flung himself into a cubicle and slid down the wall. He could feel tears well up in his eyes.

His crying was ferocious but quiet . He blinked briny tears from bloodshot eyes, his thick lashes stuck together in clumps as if he'd been swimming. The tears made wet tracks down his face and dripped from his stubbled, wobbling chin. Clear watery snot streaked from his flaring nostrils down his red mottled skin to his open quivering lips. His hands open and closed, rhythmically clenching as if there could be some violent solution to his pain if only he could find it.

He gasped heavily, holding his chest, trying to will away his emotions.

‘ _Stop_ _fucking_ _crying_ _you_ _big_ _baby- your fine_ ,’. That's the manta. I'm fine. Why was he crying anyway. It was something so insignificant and menial. He's had it worse. God so much worse.

Castiel wiped his eyes roughly as he rebuilt his walls, squashing his emotions behind it.

He shakily stood up and walked out the cubicle.

He stared at the mirror and didn't recognise who stared back. The boy looking back at him was pale and skinny, almost transparent. Like a ghost. Castiel's brain scoffed- ‘ _Well that's fitting seeing how invisible you are._ ’

God, even his own brain hated him.

Castiel took one last deep breath, turned and walked out of the bathroom as new mask plastered on his face.

‘ _Time_ _for_ _history_.’

 


	4. Chapter 4

The day dragged on slowly. Castiel found his eyes were dropping even in history, despite that being his favourite subject.

Finally, the bell rang, signalling the students escape. Cas grabbed his raggedy bag and hurried out of the school, grimacing slightly as he felt the now-dry and crusty milk chafe on his skin.

It was always important for Cas to get out quickly as possible from class as he knew the bullies would always try and find him after school. Sometimes he escaped them, some days not.

Today was one of those days.

As Cas ran down the steps he slammed straight into the muscular body of Uriel and felt his body go flying. He rolled down the last few steps and lay in a crumpled heap on the floor with his books lying scattered around him.

Cas hardly had time to get on all fours before he felt a foot on his back pushing him hard back to the ground. He lay stock still, flat as a pancake on the ground with his eyes closed, hoping they would just leave.

“Where are you in a hurry to go, fagstiel?” Alister sneered, “Off to find a big cock to suck, you dirty slut.”

The bullies laughed loudly, as if it was the funniest joke in the world and started spouting similar jibes.

“Whore!”

“Pervert!”

“Nerd!”

Cas felt the ground next to him shift and opened his eyes a crack. Next to him knelt Alister. He leaned forward and with one skeleton hand grabbed Castiel's ebony locks and shoved his face further into the ground. Cas grunted as he felt his face being pushed further into the hard gravel.Alister leant further forward and whispered quietly in his ear. So quiet Cas was sure no one else could hear- they were too busy spouting nonsense and laughing at him.

“I know was you do at night.”

Alister’s words felt as though an ice cold hand was choking him. ‘ _How did he know?’_ He couldn't breath, it felt as if someone was holding him under cold water. His heart was racing and all Cas wanted to do was curl up into a ball and wait for someone to save him. But no one would, no one was there. A choked cry for help forced itself up him throat, which was silenced by Alister’s horrific laughter.

Castiel cried out again as he felt Alister’s snake-like tongue slide slowly up the side of face, leaving strings of saliva dripping down his cheek.

The rest of Alister’s sniggered.

“Awww was that little Cassie's first kiss?” Cas heard Lisa say cruelty.

“You know where I think our precious little baby should visit?” Alister said in a joyful tone. “The dumpster!”

Cas immediately started cursing every god that ever existed. ‘ _Why the fuck did it have to be the dumpster- your clothes are wrecked enough as it is, let alone the smell.’_

However, there was little he could do as he felt his arms and legs being yanked into the air by Uriel and Alister, Bella and Lisa tittering like little song birds as the boys dragged him to the nearest dumpster.

There was no point struggling, unless he wanted a broken leg or nose. ‘ _You're just a fucking pussy, that's why you don't fight back.’ His brain hissed spitefully._

Cas heard the creak of the dumpster open and nearly choked on the smell.

“Fucking hell!” Lisa grumbled as she pinched her nose with her perfectly manicured fingers, “Smells like something died in there.”

“Stop being such as princess, Lisa.” Bella snapped in her smooth British accent, though she too wrinkled her nose in disgust.

“Seems perfect to me,” Alister said gleefully, “the smellier the better!”

With that statement the boys threw Cas into the dumpster like a sack of potatoes and shut the lid.

Cas gasped as the suffocating, putrid odour of rotten eggs and spoilt fish pervaded his nose. The rancid smell wafted around him, nearly thick enough to see, causing a Castiel to splutter miserably. The rubbish was digging uncomfortably into his body an unknown substance was seeping slowly into his clothes. He nearly heaved as his neck and hair came in contact with what seemed to be a used condom.

He needed to get out. Out of this dark, rancid bin of shit. The walls felt like they were closing in.

‘ _Breath Castiel_ ,’ he reminded himself sternly. ' _In and out. Calm the fuck down_.’

Cas slowed down his breathing and concentrated through breathing through his mouth in an attempt to avoid the smell.

After five minutes he heard the bullies leaving, laughing hysterically as they jumped into Bella’s Land Rover and drove away.

Using both hands he threw open the lid and heaved himself out of the bin onto the hard concrete floor as fast as he could.

A small whine escaped Castiel's mouth as he looked down at his clothes. His top- which was already stained with milk- had a thick, grainy and yellow stain splayed on the shoulder Cas gagged as he touched his hair as there was strands of semen covering his hair like shampoo.

‘ _Fucking hell, that is disgusting_.’ Cas felt his stomach heave dangerously and felt as if he was going to hurl his lunch.

In the end he didn't. He just spent five minutes dry heaving on the ground before he walked over to his discarded bag and pulled out a tissue. He wiped off as much of the semen as he could before shoving his books back into his bag.

He swung the bag over his back before trudging out of the main gate and walked briskly to the primary school down the road.

He finally reached the gate and saw Alfie and Hael standing with a teacher on the playground, alone. All the other students and parents had left.

Cas sighed as he briskly walked over to them.

Alfie spotted him immediately and started sprinting towards him at full pelt.

“CAS! CAS!” He screeched in his high pitched voice. “Your late! Why are you late?”

The air was knocked out of Cas’s small body as he felt a warm 7 year old wraps around his torso, hugging him tight.

Cas felt his arms automatically tighten around him, drawing him closer to his body,

Alfie suddenly drew away, his hazel eyes big and his brow scrunched.

“Cas, why do you smell so bad?”

“Erm..” Cas opened his mouth, unsure of how to explain it before he was saved by Hael running towards him and throwing herself into his arms. Cas caught her and spun her round before settling her onto his waist.

“Look! Look!” She squeaked, “I drew us!”

She waved a picture at him. On it were three badly coloured in stickmen standing in a playground, surrounded with grass and flowers.

“Look, this one is you.” She pointed her chubby finger to the tallest stick man, which had two large blue dots filling half of its face. “See- it's your eyes!”

“Wow baby,” Cas said happily as he placed Hael carefully onto the floor. “I love it, it's amazing and I can't wait to stick it up on the wall.”

In their room Cas had dedicated one wall of it to both Alfie and Hael’s drawings in an attempt to liven the place up and make it more child friendly, as well as an attempt to cover the hideous peeled, flowery wall paper.

“Sooo.. I was thinking,” Hael said shyly as she twirled her hair with her fingers, “can we pretty, please go to the park.” She turned on her puppy eyes and looked desperately up at him.

“Yes! Yes! The park!” Alfie exclaimed. “Pllleeaaaasssee, Casss, with a cherry on top. We will do all our homework when we get home!”

“Hmm.. I don't know..”

“PLEASE!” Both Hael and Alfie shouted.

‘ _It doesn't have to be a shit day for them as well,_ ’ his brain murmured

“Ok then… who's ready to go to the park?”

Cas grinned happily at the excited squeals that filled the air. 

Perhaps this day was going to get better.

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

The park was a ten minute walk from the elementary school, near the nice part of town.

There was a park closer to the apartment block where Cas lived but that was usually occupied by drunk hobos, slumped over with a beer can still clutched in their hand, or rich teenagers wasting away their parents money by getting high off weed for an hour before hopping back into their land rovers and waltzing into their marble mansions as they complain how hard life is.

 _‘This park is beautiful though_ ,’ Cas thought as he gazed silently around. There was a slight breeze which rustled the leaves making them fall to the solid ground one by one. The air was warm, with the last beams of sunlight glowing on Cas’s skin. Flowers were dotted like splodges of paint on a canvas, revealed by the freshly cut green grass.

Cas gazed around and watched as Hael and Alfie chased each other, giggling maniacally.

“Wait for me,” Castiel called as he saw his siblings run onto the complex play set. “I don't want you going up without my help.”

He jogged forward and met Alfie and Hael at the bottom of the climbing wall.

“Right Alfie- you first,” Cas made a go forward to grab onto his bottom to help him up the wall but was cut off suddenly by Alfie's cries of protest.

“I can do if Cassie! I'm seven, not a little baby!” He huffed indignantly and grabbed onto the coloured rocks and heaved himself up the wall.

“Hey!” Alfie yelled as he saw Cas move to stand behind him.

“Don't worry, i’m not going to hold you,” Cas said with a smile, “I'm just going to stand below you unless you slip and fall.”

“I won't fall,” Alfie grumbled as he clambered up the last rock and heaved himself up onto the platform.

“Now wait there for Hael,” Cas said warningly, knowing his brother would sprint over the bridge without him.

“Errrghhh, fine.”

“Thank you, Mr grumpy pants,” Cas joked as he stuck out his tongue. Alfie quickly responded by sticking out his own tongue, wiggling it up and down.

“Right,” Cas turned his attention onto Hael, “come on then superwomen, your turn!” Cas grabbed Hael from the back of her legs and placed her on the wall, his hands still supporting the whole of her body weight.

“Now grab the rock with your hands and feet,” Cas explained. Hael launched herself forward, grabbing onto the rocks with her chubby fingers and loosely placing her feet onto the rocks below.

“Good. Now stand up nice and tall.” Cas smiled as he watched a Hael straighten her stance and positioned her feet more firmly onto the wall.

“Well done, princess. Now use your hands and start to climb like monkey. See if you can reach Alfie!”

Cas basically lifted Hael slowly up, towards the wall, but let her try and get her hands and feet in the right position.

“Look, look! I'm doing it, I'm doing it!” She giggled sweetly.

“You're a natural!” Cas exclaimed happily, as he lifted he up onto the platform where Alfie was standing impatiently, waiting to move onto the next part of the course, rolling his eyes as he walked along the wobbly bridge and down the slide, popping out at the bottom with ease.

“My turn! My turn!” Hael squealed.

She ran over the bridge quickly and plopped down on her bottom on the slides entrance.

Cas ran over to the slide and held onto the back of her dress. God knows what could happen to a four year old hurtling down a slide at breakneck speed.

“Weeeeee!!” Hael screamed happily as Cas guided her down to the bottom. “That was amazing, I wanna go again.”

Cas sighed and gazed lovingly down at her, ‘how amazing it it that kids can find pure joy in sliding down a piece of plastic’.

“Ok, baby girl. One more time.”

After the seventh time Cas decided to call quits.“I think it's time to go home now.” He said gently to the two adrenaline filled kids.

“Noo! I don't wanna.” Hael cried out in her childish voice.

“Five more minutes,” Alfie added in with his hands clamped together in some sort of prayer.

‘God, these kids are going to kill me one day.’

“Fine.” Cas relented. “Five more minutes, but after that you're coming home, NO complaints.”

Cas started walking over the bench and pulled out his English book, ‘The Handmaid’s Tale’, from his rucksack. It was a good book, about a nuclear fallout that had happened in America causing more people to go sterile. As such, women who were still fertile became handmaids to a leader of the new society called Gilead. It was all about feminism and standing up to what is right. Cas wished he could be more like the women in the book. Strong, independent and more of all, not afraid.

He was about halfway through when he heard an ear splitting scream. His eyes shot up from his book and quickly scanned the playground.

There. He pinpointed where the screaming was coming from.

Hael was lying face down on the concrete, bawling her eyes out with Alfie kneeling next to her in shock.

Cas abandoned his book on the bench and ran over to where Hael was crying.

“Oh, baby what have you done,” he cooed soothingly, as he picked Hael up gently and held her by her shoulders in front of him so he could examine the damage.

On her knee there was a large gash with a thin stream of blood, dripping slowly down her legs.

Hael cried harder as she saw the blood.

“Cwasssie, it h-hurtts,” she wailed desperately.

“I know honey,” Cas kissed her on her knee and then pulled her into a hug, rubbing her back soothingly in little circles.

Over her shoulder Cas made eye-contact with Alfie, his brow furrowing in an attempt to ask what happened.

Alfie shrugged his shoulders helplessly, concern in his eyes.

Cas stayed there for a good three minutes on the floor with Hael wrapped around his middle until her cries were reduced to simple whimpers.

“There we go,” he said quietly, “you are so brave!”

“Like wonder women!” Alfie chimed in, “yeh! Your like wonder woman as she doesn't let anything hurt her.”

“Can I be super girl instead?” Hael asked, her voice muffled as her face was still burrowed in Cas t-shirt.

“You can be anything you like,” Cas said honestly. “Anything at all,”

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

Hael giggled sweetly as she plunged her hands into the warm, soapy water which had filled up the kitchen sink, balancing precariously on a rickety old chair.

Cas smiled as he watched his younger sister play and started to wander over to her, stepping over Alfie who was colouring in on the floor and scooping up the clothes that he wore to school.

He was wearing nothing but his boxers and the cold, damp air was making him shiver uncomfortably, like icy hands ghosting over his bare skin.

Dumping the clothes in the water, Cas added more soap and slipped his hands into the water, thankful for the small amount of warmth it gave him.

“Now honey bee, use your hands and grab the clothes.” Hael did as she was told and grabbed his now sodden t-shirt. “Collect two ends and rub them together.”

Hael attempted, but failed miserably as she simply did not have the strength to wash them properly.

“Your doing great little one , keep on scrubbing.”

Hael tried harder, her little face scrunched up in concentration and she rubbed the piece of cloth furiously between her hands.

Cas grabbed his pair of jeans which were floating in the water and started scrubbing furiously, determined to get the smell of the dumpster out of them.

It took about thirty minutes for every item of clothing that Cas had worn that day to be cleaned by hand, and that was without Hael's help, as, just like most four year olds, she had got bored in the first ten minutes and opted to playing with her toys, making them sings and dance with funny noises as she spoke to them seriously.

“No, Fluffy!” She cried out angrily, “don't be mean to Mr Bumbles.”

Mr Bumbles was Cas childhood toy. It was a striped, gold and black bumble bed with crumpled black wire wings and a silly grin on its face.

The toy had been given to him by his father when he was two and apparently- according to Amelia- he didn't put it down until he was about ten years old. Cas remembered dragging round the poor toy around everywhere, even taking it in the bath with him sometimes. He remembered squashing his face into his soft, plushy body when there was a thunderstorm and hug him tight when the lightning flashed through the window at his old house.

He was a reminder to a Cas about his old life, when times were good and he has the luxury of playing with soft toys. No more.

Cas climbed on the sofa and hung the clothes on a small washing line which was strung above their heads. It was the best option as the last time he had put clothes outside they had got nicked.

After he had hung his clothes up, he rummaged in his box of clothing and quickly slipped on his work clothes- a yellow polo shirt and a nice pair of black jeans.

These clothes Cas were determined to keep in ripped and clean as if they got damaged Cas would either have to pay for another set or drop out of work. Seeing as he could afford neither, he opted to only wearing them when he was at work, not matter how dire his other set of clothes were.

“Right everyone up, we are going to Pam’s for dinner before I go to work,” Cas cried as he realised what the time was.

Cas frog-marched the two children out of the door and down the many steps. As he pushed the graffitied red door to get out of the apartment block, he grabbed Hael’s and Alfie’s sweaty hands tight.

Nose crunched up in disgust as the smell of piss and weed invaded his nostrils, Cas dragged Hael and Alfie down the darkened street. Every time he walked out of the building it just reminded his how miserable his life was.

The apartment bloc was the underworld of any town: gloomy and unpleasant. The vines that crawl up window sills choking the crumbling plaster that envelopes the old stone bricks. Darkness lurks in every corner inside the labyrinth of narrow passages and dead ends. Litter is dumped on the street with drunk, old men and prostitute in elaborate costumes and a painted face nest amongst the sprawling rot.

A muffled, indistinct scream echoes behind the trio. Cas winces as the sound of a women crying. The bloc was a breeding ground for abuse.

“Come on, it's ok,” Cas said trying to hide the wobble in his voice as he felt his hand being squeezed tighter.

The three of them just about ran into the shelter. It was located right on the edge of the bad side of town about seven minutes from where Cas worked. Inside there were four long benches and tables which could seat over fifty people and a canteen like area where hot food was being served.

The Novaks joined the small queue, waiting for their warm meal of hot soup or lasagna.

When they finally reached the front Pam gave him a heart smile.

“Good afternoon Cassy,” she said heartily, flashing her teeth at him, “what is it to be- tomato soup or lasagna?”

“Lasagna, please,” he said in a tired voice and a gurgling stomach.

Pam flashed him a worried look as she slid the plate of steaming hot pile of mouthwatering tomato, cheese and pasta.

“Everything, ok “ she whispered quietly so Cas was the only to hear.

“I'm fine,” he replied desperately, “why do you ask?”

“Cause you look like utter shit.” Pam said bluntly as she piled Hael's and Alfie’s plate with food.

“I'm fine.” Cas replied dumbly. “I don't know what your talking about.”

“Don't lie to me mister.” Pam said in hard voice. “I've known you since you're thirteen, what's wrong?”

‘ _What isn't wrong,_ ’ his brain replied helpfully.

“I'm just tired,” he said blandly as he grabbed his food and ushered everyone over to the nearest table.

Well it was sorta true. Cas was desperately tired. But that was nothing new, he was always tired.

The truth was that he just couldn't handle it any more. The bullying was out of hand; he hadn't seen his mother in two weeks; the kids were getting too big to share a bed and winter was coming and he needed to find a way of making sure everyone was warm.

Suddenly someone plopped down next to him, snapping him out of his thoughts. Pam was sitting next to him with a menacing look on her face.

“Spill.” She said curtly.

Cas opened and closed his mouth, like a fish drowning in water.

“Shouldn't you be serving food?” Cas said in a desperate attempt to change the subject.

“No. The new volunteer Kevin's doing it.” She huffed in frustration. “Don't try to change the subject.”

Cas looked guilty at his plate of food and sighed.

“I don't know what to do.” He admitted.

“Don't know what to do about what?” Pam asked hesitantly, seeing how upset the teenager was.

“I don't know.” Cas looked at her with tearful eyes. “Life.”

“Cas..”

“You don't get it.” He said quietly. “I just.. I just want to be free.”

“Free of what?” Pam whispered as she grabbed his hand firmly, egging him on silently. If he would just tell her she could help. She could called the police or CPS and help.

Pam watched Cas eyes dart around the room nervously, finally settling on his two younger siblings who were munching on their food happily.

“Nothing.” He whispered. “I'm being over dramatic.”

He smiled. It was too bright. Too fake. Pam didn't like it.

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

He rushed through the doors of the roadhouse only a ten minutes late, and blundered into the staff room and throwing his glasses onto his face before he turned and saw the face of his boss.

Ellen Harvelle was a women who did not like to be messed around and was fiercely protective of her daughter. Jo. However, she held a soft spot for Castiel and therefore Castiel usually wasn't the one at the end of her sharp tongue.

“I'm so sorry Ellen!” He called out as he fixed his glasses on straight and grabbed his notepad.

“Hmmm, it's ok.” She said “just don't let it happen again.”

Castiel nodded his head and turned to go serve some customers.

“Oh and Castiel?” Ellen said in a questioning voice. “Why are you late?”

“Oh, um by bus broke down so I had to walk here and it took me much longer than I was expecting.” Castiel babbled desperately.

‘ _Liar.’_ His brain hissed. And it was right. He was a liar.

The real reason why he was late was because when he was going to group the kids of at home so they could sleep when he worked, his mum was sitting there, on their bed, high as a kite, lying under some man with her top off and giggling. He has to rush inside and grab their pajamas and run them down to Meg’s flat on the fourth floor. Meg was a prostitute just like him. However, for her it was a full time job. She accepted the kids but grumbled about how she couldn't work that night. Cas tucked them in on Meg's, sofa and read them a story before rushing off whilst thanking Meg profusely.

“One last thing.” Ellen said. “You’re going to have to buy new shoes. You can't wear ones strapped up with duct tape to work. By next week I expect your find a better pair.” She turned her back and sat down at a small desk where she did her finances.

Castiel's heart sank.

It wasn't her fault that she didn't know he had no money for new shoes. Everyone thought he lived in the good side of town and was just working so he could blow some cash partying rather than for buying food.

Cas walked stiffly out of the room got a face full of Jo, Ellen's daughter, who stuck her tongue out at him. Jo was easy to get along with and a Cas now considered her- alongside Meg- one of his closest friends.

“Did mum beat your ass up for being late?” Jo asked cheekily as she washed the bar worktop down.

“Nope, your mum loves me,” Cas winked.

In the distance both teenagers heard Ellen's voice yell at them to get to work .

Jo groaned as she rearranged some of the glasses. “God your can have her as a mother. She's a bloody pain in the backside.”

‘ _I_ _wish_ ’ Cas thought glumly. Now that was true. Cas would do anything to have Ellen as a mother. Though she was frightening sometimes with a wild temper, she had a loving heart which, although Cas was not her son, extended to him.

It wasn't fair that he got stuck with Amelia and a dead father, whilst other children got two loving parents, a house, money for food and clothes. The list went on.

Cas turned his back on Jo and went to go serve some table. He grinned and flirted his way through his shift, desperately trying to raise enough money to get some new shoes. He plastered on a fake smile even when some drunk fifty year old women smacked his ass as he served them and gave him a saucy wink.

His six hour shift finally came to an end at 1am, where he emptied his tip money. The money was shared out between everyone who worked there so his $67 which he made got reduced to only $6.

That wasn't enough to buy him some new shoes.

Cas bid everyone goodnight as he trudged out the 24 hour diner/ bar and walked up to his shitty apartment, praying the random man who had been fucking Amelia was gone.

He unlocks the door and pulled back the curtain which revealed the bed.

Amelia was lying there alone, stark naked as the day she was born.

Cas walked over to her and shook her to wake her up. If she was going to stay in the apartment she had to sleep on the sofa.

She grumbled and smacked him hard around the face, making his glasses slip off. Cas grunted gently, feeling the white hot pain of where the slap had landed.

_‘Great, she's still high.’_

Cas grabbed her two arms and heaved her off the bed and positioned her awkwardly onto the sofa and threw a blanket over her to protect her modesty.

‘ _Ha_ , _like_ _she_ _has_ _any_ _of_ _that_ _left_.’ His brain hissed horribly. Cas didn't know where thes evil thought came from, but he just dismissed them although he knew they were right.

Walking over to the bed ready to climb in and start another day he grimaced as he saw the white stains of cum striped over the sheets. Tiredly, he stripped the bed and filled up the sink. He dunked the sheets in water and scrubbed them until they were clear of any bodily fluids and then left them to dry before crawling into his sheetless bed and falling into a dreamless sleep, hoping that tomorrow would be a better day. 


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: mentions of prostitution

The next day all that was Castiel’s mind was how he was going to get a new pair of shoes by Saturday when it was already Thursday.

He thought about this even when he was getting shoved into the lockers and spat at from what he had named them in his head, ‘The Knights of Hell.’

He knew he could not just buy a pair of shoes- he didn't have any disposable income. However, the other option was to take it out of the rent money, but Cas knew he couldn't risk getting thrown out their apartment just for a pair of shoes.

He only had one option left.

He had said tucked Hael and Alfie into bed and locked the door behind them. He hated leaving them alone with nobody to care for them, but this was his only choice. He needed those shoes.

He grimaced as the cold air of the night hit him. He wandered down the stairs to the seventh floor where Meg’s apartment lay and knocked on her door.

Meg opened her door and ushered him in.

“Haven't seen you in a while Clarence,” she said saucily as she dragged his wrist and pulled him inside.

She was wearing a red skin tight dress which hardly covered her thong and black, sparkly stilettos. Her face was smothered in a thick layer of makeup, making her eyes too black and her mouth too wide.

“We need to get you some clothes, no one is going to pick you up like that.” She said as she eyed up his tattered t-shirt and jeans. “I have got just the thing that will make all the boys snatch you up.”

She yanked him into her bedroom and pulled out a pair of black skin tight jeans, plain white shirt and a pair of heeled Chelsea boots.

“Put them on.” She demanded

“I don't think they are going to fit..” Castiel started

“Don't be silly, you're a skinny as a twig. Now put them on.”

Cas pulled the clothes on feeling self conscious about Meg staring at him hungrily as if he was a piece of meat.

“Perfect” Meg purred like a cat who got the cream, “now make up.”

“Meg I don't want makeup.” Cas whined. “Not after what you did last time.”

Last time the two went out Meg had put caked his face in thick makeup which he then forgot she put on and wiped down his face, making him look like a deranged clown.

“Stop whining.” She snapped jokingly. “I will just put some eyeliner and mascara on.”

He didn't give him much choice as she started applying a thin line to the top of his eyelid. She did it skilfully and then moved onto the bottom waterline before finishing with a mascara brush.

“There we go- makes your eyes pop.” She said smugly.

“Fine.” Cas said grumpily, although she was right.

“Finally thing, a coat.” She dumped a heavy black coat that went down to his knees onto his lap.

“I want to wear my trench coat.” Cas said picking it up from where he had discarded it on the floor. It was his Dad's and whenever he wore it he felt safe. As if he couldn't be touched.

“No it will ruin the look.” She said. “Also do you really wanna get shit and cum all over it.” She said with an eyebrow raised. She knew how much this coat meant to him and she knew that he couldn't get it ruined.

They did this dance every time they went out. He wanted the trench coat on. She didn't. Every time he lost.

“No.” She said firmly, finishing the conversation. “I’m just doing what's best for you, Clarence.”

“Right have you got everything you need?”

Yep. Cas pulled out a strip of condoms and lube and slipped it into his new coat pocket.

“Have you stretched?”

“Yup.” That was true. He did it in the shower earlier and now had a small plug fit snugly between his ass cheeks. It was uncomfortable, but it was better than going in without prep.

“Right then let's go.”

Meg led the way outside and turned to the right onto her corner of the street. Each stripper had claimed a part of the street and God could there be cat fights I'd you strayed onto another person's territory. The last time Cas did that he was 13 and nearly got her eyeball ripped out. He hadn't made that mistake since.

Him and Meg walked a few feet away from each other so they would look less threatening to customers in a group.

It took about twenty minutes before someone in a shiny Volvo pulled up next to him. The man inside has large, both in height and in width with broad shoulders and rippling muscles. He had greasy black hair, piercing black eyes and was watching Cas like a wolf might observe it’s prey.

“You selling?” He grunted.

“You buying?” Cas said back, desperately trying to hide the lump in his throat.

“How old are you?” The man said raising an eyebrow.

“Old enough.” Cas shot back with a smirk.

‘ _Liar_.’ His brain whispered disapprovingly

“Price?”

“20 for a blowjob, 100 for a fuck.”

“Get in.”

Cas glanced over at Meg, signalling that he was going to go with him. She nodded and mouthed good luck to him.

“Get in.” The man snapped annoyed. “I'm horny now, so get your ass in the car if you want to get paid.”

Cas hurried to the other side of the car and slipped into the front passenger seat. The car took off the second after Cas closed the door.

“Name?” The man asked shortly.

“Jimmy.” Cas said and smiled over at the man.

He flinched as the man grabbed his thigh with a meaty hand.

“Well, I'm going to take care of you Jimmy.” The man rumbled as he massaged Cas thigh gently.

Cas looked over and saw a tent already forming in the man's pants. He looked away. God he hated doing this.

“What do you want?” Cas purred in what he thought was his sexy voice.

The man grabbed his crotch hard making him yelp in surprise.

“We are going to a hotel where I'm going to fuck you raw.” The man turned into a side road and sped up.

“Fuck! I don't think I can wait.” The man cried as he pawed as his own erection. “Just the thought of fucking you makes me want to cum.”

The car turned again and swung into a car park of a motel. They man climbed out the car and opened Cas door before yanking him out by his wrist.

They walked towards the motel. The man pulled him hardly towards the door, making him stumbled and nearly fall. They headed through the front door and marched through reception and into a room. The man obviously planned this beforehand. God, he probably had a wife and two kids back at home. A perfect family. A perfect life.

The room was beige and truest ugly. The bed was king sized and imposing. Cas hardly had time to think before he was pushed onto the bed and the man was on him, nipping and sucking at his throat.

“Strip.” The man mumbled between kissing him. He pulled back and left Cas lying there like a puppet with his strings cut on the bed.

The man pulled off his expensive looking suit and threw it on the ground leaving himself completely naked. Cas could see how aroused he was having an underage and underfed teenaged under his control.

‘ _Pervet_.’

Cas sat up from where he had been pushed and ripped off his shirt, shoes and jeans leaving him exposed in just his underwear. He grabbed the lube and condoms and placed them on the bed next to him.

The man and pushed him back down onto his back before ripping off Cas’s underwear and lying on top of him. Cas felt his sweaty hands massaging the globes of his ass and his teeth nipping at his neck.

He stilled when he felt the plug between Cas’s cheeks.

“Fuck, baby boy, your so needed he said.” As he yanked the plug out making Cas wince in pain. He licked the purple plug clean before discarding it and replacing them with his fingers.

Cas hissed in pain as he felt the dry fingers penetrate him.

“Lube.” Cas cried. “I don't do it dry.”

The man grumbled but complied, ripping his fingers out of Cas. He sat up on his haunches and grabbed the lube and condoms which was lying next to Castiel’s head.

He expertly rolled on the condom and smothered his penis in lube before thrusting into Castiel with no warning. Cas cried out in pain as the man’s dick ripped through him bottoming out. He did not even stopping to let Cas adjust to the thick mass inside him, before he was moving again and grunting.

Cas scrunched his eyes and tried to think of anything rather than the dick which was pounding into him.

‘ _Lie back and think of England_.’ That was the phrase.

He wished he was in England right now. He had never been but he wished he could. He wished he could be surrounded with the great architecture of London, of the golden tower of Big Ben. He wished he could ride in one of those famous red buses and take a call in a telephone box. Perhaps he could go into Buckingham Palace and meet the queen or perhaps meet Teresa May at 10 Downing st.

The man grunted again and his hips shook. Cas knew he was nearly done and sure enough the man came hard inside him, before his sweaty body collapsed on top of him.

“Ergh. That was incredible.” The man said as he devoured Cas mouth with wet lips and a snake like tongue, cold and wet.

Cas watched as the stranger pulled himself off the bed and walked into the bathroom. He came back seconds later with a roll of toilet roll.

“Clean up.” He barked, throwing the roll at Cas’s face. “I need to be somewhere in an hour. “

Cas gingerly got up, wincing as the pain in his ass made itself known. He gently wiped between his ass cheeks, grimacing as cum and speckled of blood came away. Stiffly he pulled on the jeans and t-shirt and rest of his clothes.

They made their way out of the motes room and into the car. The drive in the way back was deadly silent and all Cas could concentrate in was the pain in his ass and how humiliate he felt.

He wanted to cry.

The car stopped at where the man picked him up at. Cas glanced out the window and could not see Meg anywhere. She must have gone with a client.

He slid out the car and stiffened as the man grabbed his arm.

“Here.” He grunted. “$100.” The green bills were pressed into Castiel's hand. He had nearly forgotten about his money.

He climbed out the car and closed the door. The car sped away fast leaving Cas alone on the strip.

He clutched onto the money.

 _‘At least it's enough for a pair of shoes_.’ He thought, trying to cheer himself up. ‘ _And perhaps a new coat for Alfie and Hael.’_

He trudged back up the road deep In thought, until he heard a piercing scream ring out into the night, cutting into Cas like glass.

He knew that voice.

He knew that girl.

He started running desperately towards where the scream originated from.

“JO!”

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No Dean I need this chapter...but there is a chance he may be in the next one ;) 
> 
>  
> 
> WARNING- some mentions of attempted rape. No too bad, but thought I would mention it.

Blood was pumping in his ears and his heart was in his throat as he sprinted at full pelt down the alleyway. Tears sprung in his eyes as the cold air whipped past him. It didn't matter that he had a stitch burning in his side or that his breaths were coming out in ragged gasps.

All that mattered was finding Jo.

At the end of the alleyway he saw around three dark figures looming in the distance. In the dark they looked distorted and elongated, as if they were anything but human. As if they were a monster.

Another scream echoed coming directly from the alleyway.

Cas set off again, his ankles aching from the high heeled boots he was wearing.

The figures got closer and closer, becoming even more human with every desperate stride.

Cas heart constricted as he got closer to the scene.

It was Alistair and Gordon. But that was not what frightened Cas the most.

No.

It was that Jo was lying on the ground with her trousers pushed down leaving her just in her underwear with a blood smear across her forehead. Her shirt had been torn open exposing her pink spotty bra. She wasn't moving and her eyes were rolled backwards suggesting that she had been knocked unconscious.

Alister's knuckles were bruised and bloody.

Anger filled Castiel’s body, bubbling under his skin, threatening to overflow. How dare they try and take her against her will. How dare they try and rape her.

“GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM HER!” Castiel roared. Spittle flew from his mouth, his eyes were dark and menacing and his hands were clenched into balls.

“Aww, isn't it the little cock- sucker,” Alister cooed in a condescending tone, “good for you to join the party, we were just getting started.” Gordon sniggered in the background.

Cas started at him, curling and uncurling his fists. No way we're they going to get away with this. Cas didn't care if Alister was the sheriff's son. He was going to go down.

“I said get away from her.” Cas bit out, his voice low and promising violence.

“Now, now. Let's not get upset.” Alister said, uncaring of Castiel's rigid stance and deathly stare.

“Nice clothes by the way.” Alister drawled. “It that make up too? Wow Cassie you must have been a busy boy tonight. How much did you get? How many dicks did you take up your ass.”

Alister took a step forward, so a Cas could feel his rancid break on his cheek.

“You can always swap with Jo you want. We wouldn't mind. I bet that tight hole of yours will be, well, quite delicious, don't you think?”

Cas brain exploded. “I thought you weren't gay?” Cas asked surprised.

Alistair chuckled darkly. “It's not about sex, my dear, it is about power. Power over another living thing. Something that is completely under your control. Something you can manipulate to your will. Isn't that be delightful.”

He grinned. “So is that a deal? Will you swap places with little Jo here?”

Castiel felt sick. This wasn't even about pleasure, it was about feeling stronger. But if he did this he could save Jo. She would get to get on with her life forgetting this ever happened. Castiel stalled- should he do it? Is wasn't like he had sex in exchange for something before. What was one more person?

No. He couldn't let Alistair abuse him like that. He had already take away Castiel’s voice and freedom in school. No. He wasn't going to let Alister take his body as well.

“Fuck you.” Cas said. “I am not afraid of you anymore.” Cas curled his hands into a fist and punched Alistair hard in the nose. The bone crunched and the cartilage crumpled. Blood squirted everywhere, painting Castiel's fist in dark crimson.

“What the actually fuck, you fucking fag!” Alister howled as his hands flew up to his injured nose. “You're going to fucking pay.”

Before Cas could even think Gordon slammed into him, knocking him backwards making his slam into the wall. Cas kicked out wildly, his high heeled boots making contact, hitting Gordon in the ball, making him cry out in agony and hunch over.

“FUCKING LEAVE! GET OUT!”

“You're going to fucking pay so bad for this Castiel. By tomorrow everyone will know what you do. Everyone will know that you fuck random guys at night for money. Everyone will know that you're nothing more than a dirty whore and your mummy a drugged up slag.” Alistair hissed as he and Gordon retreated out of the alleyway away from Jo’s limp form.

Alister’s words hit him like a knife. Everyone will know what he is. What he does. He let out a quiet sob.

‘ _Stop it. It was worth it. You saved Jo._ ’ His brain tried to reassure him.

Yes Jo. Cas knelt down next to her listless body and pulled up her trousers and re-did up her shirt. After he was sure her modesty was covered he stroked her golden hair in a comforting manner.

“Jo? Are you with me?” He grabbed her hand and squeezed it. “If you can hear me squeeze my hand.”

Nothing. She was completely unconscious.

Cas sighed, cursing himself for leaving his crappy phone at home. There was only one option left.

Cas got up and lifted Jo into an awkward fireman's lift, grunting slightly as Jo’s dead weight made her ten times as heavy as she looked.

He started to stumble along, his teeth clenched and eyes scrunched in concentration.

“Come on Cas, just round this bend. Just through the door and just up the stairs.” Cas mumbled to himself as he heaved Jo up the seven floors to his apartment. He stopped at his room and fumbled with the key before managing to unlock it.

The room was deadly silent with a slight glow coming from behind the curtain from Hael’s night light as she was scared of the dark.

Cas stumbled over to the sofa and deposited Jo onto it gently, thankful of the sudden weight lifted off his shoulders.

“Cassie?” A small voice squeaked from behind the curtain. “Is that you?”

Cas cursed himself for being to noisy as he walked over to the curtain ad pushed it back. There he saw Hael sitting up in bed next to a snoring Alfie. Her wide blue eyes looked up at him scared and her black locks was sticking up in every direction.

“I had a nightmare.” She explained as she crawled over Alfie to sit on top of Cas lap. “There was a monster who came and took you and Alfie away from me and I was all alone apart from Mommy and she kept on screaming at a wall. And then I woke up and you were gone.” She babbled desperately pulling at Cas’s t-shirt.

Cas felt her heart constrict. No four year old should have nightmares about her drug addict mother.

“Well look I'm here now and Alfie's there.” Cas said pointing at Alfies sleeping from. “It was only a nightmare, they can never hurt you, And everyone knows that if you wake up you have beaten it. You're the strong one.” Cas explained simply.

“So I beat the monster?” Hael asked quietly, her face lifting to gaze up at him.

“Yup. Your beat the monster- you're so brave.” Cas smiled at her, pushing her crazy locks off her forehead.

A moan echoed from behind them and Cas snapped her head back to look at the sofa. Jo was waking up.

“Cassie?”

“Yes honey.”

“Who's that behind you, on the sofa? It is mommy?”

“No honey, that's a friend. I need to go see if she is ok.” Cas explained as she lifted Hael off her lap and tucked her back into the bed and kissing her forehead.

“Try go back to sleep.” He pulled the curtain, covering the bed once again before walking over to the sofa and kneeling down next to Jo.

“Jo?”

“WhereamI?” A jumbled voice murmured. “Whoareyou? What happened?”

Suddenly Jo sat upright, her eyes wide and frightened.

“Jo is ok. You're with me. Castiel. Remember. From the roadhouse and from school?”

“Cas?” Jo said in a confused voice. “What happened. Wait. No. I remember. Where are those bastards. I will rip their fucking balls off.”

“No ball ripping yet. I think you might have a concussion.” Cas said in a soothing voice. “Lie back down, but don't go to sleep. I'm going to call your mom and get you a glass of water.”

Cas padded away towards the sink and filled one of their best glasses up with water.

“Drink.” Cas said as he pushed the water into Jo’s hand. “I'm going to go call your mom.”

Jo nodded and sipped the water gently. Cas grabbed his phone from the charger and scrolled down until he found Ellen’s contact. He gulped as he knew Ellen was going to flip before pressing the call button

“Hello?” A sleepy voice answered. “Who is this?”

“Ellen it's Castiel.”

“Cas? Why are you calling so late. It goddamn three in the morning.” Cas heard her yawn in the background.

“Well there is no easy way to say this…” Cas said hesitantly, unsure how to break it to her.

“What? Tell me what Castiel?” Ellen's confused voice echoed.

“I have Jo with me. And well. She. Um. She. She was attacked.” Cas said slowly.

“WHAT?” An angry voice yelled making a Cas flinch. “What the hell is your address I'm coming for my baby.”

“My apartment is at Roman estates on Adler road, seventh floor, apartment 4B.” The phone beeped suddenly, illustrating to Cas that Ellen had hung up.

“Is she coming?” Jo asked hesitantly.

“Yes. She's on her way.” Cas smiled gently. He hated seeing his friend like this. So pale and scared. It wasn't fair, she was usually so strong.

“Good.”

An awkward silence enveloped the room.

“I didn't know you lived here.” Jo said so quietly that Cas almost didn't hear her. He felt his face burn up in embarrassment. He had never wanted her or anyone to find out. It was humiliating living in such poverty.

“Um.” Cas floundered, his mouth opening and closing again like a fish. However, he was saved as a shriek echoed from behind the curtain, followed by large sobbing sounds.

“What was that?” Jo said scared

“Give me a sec.” Cas said as he quickly made his way over to the curtain and polled it back.

“Honeybee? Are you ok?” He grabbed the sobbing toddler and held her tight to his chest, rocking her back and forth, stroking her hair gently.

“It's ok, you're ok.” He cooed.

An urgent banging echoed throughout the room.

“The monsters were coming.” She sobbed, flinching away from the noise as she hid her face in Cas’s armpit.

“It's ok. It's just my friend at the door.”

Cas, still holding Hael, walked over and opened the door. Standing at the doorway was a flustered looking Ellen still in her nightgown with a leather jacket thrown on top.

“Where is she?” Ellen demanded, pushing past Cas and rushing over to her daughter.

“Jo-Jo? Baby? Are you ok?”

“Mom!” Jo sobbed as she threw herself at Ellen, burrowing her face into her nightgown, similar to what Hael was doing to Castiel.

“Baby what happened?” Ellen asked quietly as she kissed the top of Jo’s head.

“I was walking back from Ash’s house when these two boys from school Alister and Gordon grabbed me and pulled me into the alleyway. They. They. They started to try and take of my clothes but I struggled and Alistair punched me. It's all black from then on.” Jo wailed and clung on tighter. “I wanna go home. Mom take me home.”

“Ok baby. We going.” Ellen tore her gaze away from her daughter and focused it on Cas.

“What happened?” She mouthed.

Cas shrugged her shoulders and looked back at her helplessly. He didn't know what happened. It didn't look like they have gotten around to raping her, but Cas couldn't be sure.

Ellen pulled up a haggard looking Jo from the sofa, supporting her with one arm. Jo was conscious but barely.

“Do you need any help?” Cas asked worried as he watched the duo make their way to the door.

“No. I think we are ok. My car is just outside.” Ellen opened the front door and then stopped and looked back at Cas.

“Thank you.” She said gratitude thick in her voice. “I can see from your knuckles that you must have helped. I can't thank you enough….”

Cas smiled. “I would do it again in a heartbeat.”

Ellen nodded before stepping out the door and closing it behind her.

The silence was deafening.

He walked back over to the bed and gently deposited the already asleep Hael onto the mattress. He climbed in after her and thanked God that Alfie was a deep sleeper. Both Hael and Alfie snuggled up closed to him, their little faces pressed into his sides.

Cas closed his eyes and thanked his lucky stars that they were safe. He wouldn't know what they would do if they were hurt.

He snuggled in closer. No. Under his protection they would never get hurt like Jo did. They will have happy, joyous lives.

Yes. Everything will be just fine.

 

 


	10. Chapter 10

Cas yawned and blearily rubbed his eyes before reaching over to his shitty flip phone to turn off the alarm for school.

“Good morning.” He said sleepily, chuckling as he felt both Hael and Alfie snuggle closer into his warm body.

“Come on, we have to get up for school.”

Cas gulped. After Alister's threat he was terrified about going back to school. The harassment from Alister and his crew was already bad and Cas didn't think he could handle it any further, and if the teachers found out about him whoring himself to strangers he would be screwed. Child protective services would be on his back in a heartbeat and Castiel swore to himself long ago that he would never let himself be split from his siblings.

Cas sat up straight in bed, causing groans from either side as he jolted the two sleeping children next to him.

“I'm not going to ask again,” he said sternly as he heaved himself over Hael and stood up, his back cracking as he stretched his arms, causing his old pajama top to pull up and reveal his stomach.

“I want to go to the store before we go to school and get you some new clothes and get me some new shoes.”

Quickly Cas slipped on his jeans and shirt, shivering as the cold air hit his bare skin.

‘ _Perhaps there may be enough for me to get a new jumper._ ’ Cas thought hopefully. He walked over to the biscuit tin and pulled out $65 of the $100 he had made last night. The rest he put back for emergencies.

Fifteen minutes later Cas had managed to dress and feed two very sleepy and very reluctant children and drag them outside and frogmarched them the ten minutes to the twenty four hour charity store.

He walked in, thankful of the heating which help fight off the cold which had started to creep into his bones.

He was hoping he would be able to not only buy Alfie and Hael new coats, but also a jumper and shoes for him. The budget was going to be tight, but Cas was hopeful. Most of the time clothes were cheap as they were donated and already worn. Most people would never even touch clothes worn by others, but for Cas it was a god sent.

He set Hael and Alfie over to the toy section to play before he desperately set off looking through the racks of donated clothes in hopes of finding something cheap but warm.

It took him a few minutes of hard core searching before he found two coat both only $20 each.

“Hael, Alfie. Come have a look!” He shouted over to them, holding his findings triumphantly.

The two kids ran over excited to have a look as it was not often that they got new clothes.

What Cas had picked out for Hael was a light pink puffa jacket with a fluffy hood and was perfect for the winter.

“Try it on.” Cas said excitedly, helping Hael slip her hands into the coat.

It was a little big as it was sized for 5-6 year olds and not Hael's tiny 4 year old frame. However, it was better that it was slightly too big as Hael was growing fast and it was better to have something that would last a few years.

“Do you like it?” Cas asked hopefully.

“Yes! Yes! I love it! I look like a ice princess!” Hael giggled as she span around, making the coat flare out like a butterfly opening its wings.

“Me. Do me. I wanna see what you picked out.” Alfie whined as he grabbed onto Cas arm.

Cas produced a dark green coat with patches on the elbows. It too was big and when Alfie tried it on fell all the way down to his knees.

“I love it!” Alfie exclaimed. “I no longer look like a hobo!”

Cas smile fell.

“What do you mean by that?” Cas asked seriously.

“Oh nothing.” Alfie said offhandedly as he examined his coat. “One of the boys at school was just teasing me about how my clothes are always holey.”

“What!” Cas said sharply. “Are people bullying you?”

“No! It was only once and Miss Molesey came and told Max off saying it wasn't very nice to tease people.”

“Hmm.” Cas said unconvinced. “If you're sure.”

“Yes.” Alfie said, rolling his eyes. “I'm going to go over there and play with the toys.”

Cas watched as he grabbed his little sister's hand and dragged her over to the toy section where they both engaged in what looked like a barbie karate session.

He dragged his attention back to the clothes. For a few more minutes Castiel searched through the clothing, running his hands gently over the different fabric, enjoying how it felt under his hand.

Suddenly he saw it. It was a beautiful, dark red woollen jumper with a simple design running down the middle and the arms. It was soft to the touch and looked very warm. He turned over the price tag and sighed as he saw the price of $30. No way was he going to be afford that and new shoes.

He sighed and turned away. He so desperately wanted the jumper.

Suddenly, a deep voice knocked him out of his trance. “What you looking for kid?”

Cas jumped backwards and turned to look at the stranger. It was a man with dark skin and similarly dark brown hair and a moustache. He was wearing old jeans and a plaid shirt.

“Oh nothing.” Cas said re-flipping over the tag on the shirt.

Cas shivered as the man raked his eyes over his skinny form and ratty clothes. “You looking to buy that jumper?”

“Um. No. Sorry. Do you want it? I can't afford it.” Cas plucked the jumper and shoved it at the stranger.

The man took it and went over to the till where he paid the shop owner.

Cas felt his heart drop. It was silly- it was never like he could afford it anyways.

Downhearted, he shuffled over to the shoe section trying to find the sturdiest pair available. Sighing, he picked up a pair of black converse identical to his old pair. His thoughts were lifted slightly as he saw that both the price and size were ok.

He grabbed the shoes and was about to make his way over to the counter before he felt a tap on his shoulder.

It was the man from a few minutes ago and he was holding the jumper.

“Here.” The man held out the jumper.

“Wait. What?” Cas said confused. “I can't pay for this and I don't even know you!”

the man chuckled at his flabbergasted expression.

“I know you don’t know me, but I saw that wistful expression on your face when you looked at that jumper and I couldn't help myself. Someone did the same to me when I was a kid and I would like to return the favour. Now just take the damn jumper.”

He pushed the jumper into Cas’s hands and ran his hands through his hair, before turning and walking towards the door.

Cas opened and closed his mouth before shouting out to the stranger

“Wait! I don't even know your name.”

“It's Rufus.” The man said smiling. “Rufus Turner.”

“You're a good man Rufus Turner” Cas said genuinely as he gripped the jumpers soft material hard. “Thank you.”

Cas watched Rufus’s retreating form leave the shop before he went over to the cashier and paid for the clothes, calling his siblings as he made his way towards the door.

“Cassie, who was that man?” Hael asked questionably as she pulled on her new coat.

“That wa a very, very kind man sweetie.”

His mind was still exploding from that small act of kindness. Cas didn't even realise there were still people like him that existed. Rufus Turner was a saint. No. More than that. He was an angel.

Cas smiled to himself as he pulled on his new clothes and headed off to school.

This way was just getting better and Cas had a feeling that it was going to continue on that path.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No joke this actually happened to my friend. Also we Cas is so close to meeting the mysterious green-eyed jock so stay with me!


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a short one ;) Tell me what you thought!

Cas looked up at the high school biting his lip desperately, fingers playing with the straps of his ragged backpack to distract himself from going inside.

He had already put on his new jumped and shoes, but even the delight of Rufus’s kindness had worn off and all that was left was a deep pit of anxiety balled up inside his stomach.

‘Had  _Alistair told everyone? What's going to happen to him?’ What do they know? Do they know about his nightly activities? Have the teachers found out? Have they called CPS?’_

Thoughts flew around Castiel head like a rabid dragon spewing hateful and frightening thoughts.

Slowly he started to make his way towards the school and into the main hallway.

The back of his head prickled as he saw all eyes were on him as if he was some kind of freak show. He ducked his head down and made a line towards his locker. That's when the shouting started.

“Here comes the freak!”

“WHORE!”

“PUSSY!”

“FAG!”

He couldn't move. His legs were like cement weighing him down and preventing him from running. Alister had told them. No. His life was ruined. They were right. He was a slag. A whore. And whatever names they were calling him.

“GO KILL YOURSELF SLUT!” Echoed out in the crowded corridor.

Everyone laughed as if they were telling some hilarious joke. They were right- he was a joke. A pathetic, whore who spread his legs for $10.

A whimper escaped his lips and tears started creeping down his cheeks. Suddenly, his legs remembered how to move and he sprinted fast down the corridor, the names and the laughter echoing behind him like some horrific shadow. He felt someone spit on him, the saliva dripping down his cheek like a deformed tear. 

He ran into an abandoned classroom. His legs were aching and his breaths were coming out in ragged and torn. He collapsed into a corner and hugged his legs desperately, buring his face into his knees. A mantra played in his head on repeat trying to stop the filthy thoughts worming inside his brain.

‘ _Breath in and out. Hael and Alfie need you. I'm and out.’_

Suddenly, a hand touched his back causing Cas to violently to fall sideways, his knees still pulled up to his face and tears still free-falling.

“Idontwantanytrouble, pleaseplease leave me be.” Cas sobbed desperately hoping the bully would just let him wallow in self pity.

“Um? Are you alright?” A male's gravely voice said in a confused tone. “You look like you are having a fucking panic attack!”

Cas heard him sit down and breath heavily. “Man, do you want me to go get a teacher? You look out of it dude?”

Cas slowly opened his eyes a crack and allowed himself to peek through his wet eyelashes to peer at this mysterious man.

He was slumped on the floor next to Castiel with a concerned look on his face. But that wasn't what hit Castiel first, it was how beautiful the man looked.

He looked like an angel of the Lord or Adonis with dark golden locks cut short framing his sharp, prominent jaw which curved gracefully around and the strength of this neck which showed in the twining cords of muscle that shaped his body; strong arms, bold thighs and calfs, a firm chest and abdomen. His skin was golden and sprinkled with small splodges of freckles that glimmered like the stars in the night. And his lips. His lips were full and rosy red like a rose bud, desperate to be kissed.

But that wasn't what stunned Castiel. No. It was his eyes which were the green of fresh dew glinting in the sunlight off of leaf of green emerald. Within its swirling abyss of colour was deep rooted concerns. A type of emotion Castiel has never seen before. It was pure, beautiful.

Cas didn't know how long he started at the Adonis for- minutes? Hours? Days?

Suddenly, the beautiful man opened his mouth and spoke.

“Hello. I'm Dean Winchester.”

 

 


	12. Chapter 12

“Hello. I'm Dean Winchester. Hello? Are you feeling alright?” Dean waved his hand in front of Cas face trying to stop him slipping back into a panic attack.

Cas opened his tears eyes a bit wider, grimacing as he felt the coagulated, dried tears attach to his eyelashes.

“There ya go.” Dean said in a soft voice as he slumped his back against the wall. “Thought I was going to call an ambulance or some shit.”

Cas wiped his eyes and nose again on the back of his raggedy sleeve and slowly began to untangle himself from the protective ball he had curled into.

“Oh wait a sec.” Dean rummaged in his bag and pulled out a tissue, which he handed to Castiel.

“Thanks.” Cas murmured, his voice thick with tears as he carefully took the tissue and blew his nose.

“No problem.”

The two boys sat in compassionate silence for a bit. Cas kept on taking secret glances at the boy.  
  
‘Dean’ as he had called himself earlier was playing absentmindedly with a broken thread on the carpet. Cas watched as he pulled the string through his finger, caressing it gently. Pull. Let go. Pull. 

' _God what you wouldn't give to switch places with that carpet.'_ His brain teased mockingly.

Cas ground his teeth and went bright red as he mentally told his brain to shut up.

He wasn't having any naughty thoughts about Dean. Not one. Nope. He had only met the poor boy two minutes ago- he wasn't about to sleep with him. Nope. He would not like to be shoved down on the mattress and roughly fucked by Dean as he moaned his name in……

“Can you hear me?” Dean said suddenly, snapping a Castiel out of his erotic fantasy.

“Sorry.. um.. yes.. sorry. What did you say?.” Cas stumbled over his words and blushed heavily- he was sure his whole face looked like a tomato.

“I asked what you name was?” Dean said with no malice in his voice.

Should he tell him? The boy obviously didn't know who or he wouldn't be sitting with Cas in the first place. It would be nice to have a friend for once…

“Castiel. Castiel Novak.” Cas said in a small voice hoping that Dean wouldn't turn around in disgust and hit him. Leave him.

Unexpectedly, Dean's face lit up as if he were a four year old boy being told Christmas had come early.

“Really?” He gushed excitedly. “That's amazing man, it's so good to meet you!”

Cas turned to look at him, confusion written all over his face. Why was this boy so happy to know it was him? That had never happened before.

“Oh. Sorry. Let me explain. You are the one who saved Jo! Ellen told us all about you- said you were an utter hero. God I don't know what I would do if little Jo Jo go hurt. I mean, I know she can hold her own, but I just can't even think about her getting hurt like that!”

Confusion flushed through Cas. How did he know Jo? He had never heard Jo or Ellen mention the name ‘Dean Winchester’ before. In fact, he was sure he had never even heard anyone called ‘Dean Winchester.’

“How do you know Jo and Ellen?” Cas said quietly.

“Oh. Um. Jo is my cousin. Well sorta. You know how Ellen has now started dating a guy called Bobby?”

Cas nodded. Yup- he had heard Jo mention that name before,

“Well he's my uncle. Well kinda. He's my dad’s best friend and we just call him our uncle.”

“How come I have never seen you before?” Cas’s brow scrunched together like an old sponge dried up and wrinkly.

“My parents are journalists, so we move around a lot. Haven't been here for nearly 5 years now.” Dean explained.

Suddenly, the bell rang signalling the start of lessons.

“Hey, Cas?” Dean asked hesitantly as he stood up and grabbed his backpack. “Do you mind showing me round? Just, I don't know anyone and you seem like a pretty cool dude.”

Cas looked down at the floor and felt his heart sink.

“I think it would be better if you asked someone else.” Cas said as he held back tears.

“What? Why?” Dean asked urgently.

“Cause I'm the bottom of the pecking order. You will be at the bottom of the pecking order if you stay near me. If you don't want to be bullied, I suggest you find some jocks or some cheerleaders to hang out with.” Cas said sadly.

“What! Cas! You don't really think I care about my social standing do you. I don't give a flying Shit about those things! You saved Jo and seem like a pretty cool guy, and besides I can hold my own!”

Cas blinked up at him- mouth opening and closing as he watched Dean walk out the door. Does that mean he wants to stay? He wants to be friends? Cas had never had a friend before besides Joshua. Perhaps.. perhaps.. he actually likes Cas?

Perhaps he won't leave like the other did.  

 


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys, I'm so sorry for the wait and that this is such a short chapter. The thing is is that I'm I need the middle of Africa and literally have no internet. Will be back in a few weeks and will be able to write more frequently and longer!

Balthazar has been Castiel's first boyfriend. His first love. His first beau- whatever the hell you wanna call it.

He was flirty, with lights blonde hair, rock hard abs and a smooth British accent which make Castiel's heart flutter.

Cas had met him when he was fourteen and him seventeen, just a year after he moved into the shitty apartment block where Bal was moving in with his dad and younger sister, Lilith.

In hindsight the age difference was reasonably large and he could see why some (aka Meg) thought it was a bad idea to get involved in such a mysterious stranger but Cas loved him. Loved the way he spoke, the way he smiled with his eyes twinkling and the way he cleaned Castiel up after he got beaten up at school or got hurt by a client.

It was probably what one would call a whirlwind romance. One full of passion, drugs and sex.

One that could never last. And it didn't.

The police knocked on Castiel's door at 3am to say that Bal had overdosed on Cocaine in the bathroom and was pronounced dead at the scene. That they were very sorry and that he didn't suffer too badly.

Cas remembers screaming and pulling at his hair in grief. He cried the tears that never fell when his father died or when his mother was abusive.

He didn't stop crying for a week straight, to the extent where Meg looked after tiny Hael and Alfie for a few days. The tears finally dried out at Bal’s funeral where he could just sit there in mind- numbing grief.

He was the first person to make Castiel feel as if he was worth something in this poverty stricken life. The one who made Cas laughs and forget his father's death and his tragic circumstances.

God, he hadn't thought about Bal in a long time. He was just a faded memory in the back of Castiel's mind.

Was it bad that he forgot? Or was it just a coping mechanism? Would Bal be upset that he found himself a new potential boyfriend?

No Bal would be happy that he met Dean. Happy that he made a safe friend- one who wasn't a prostitute or a druggie. One who could be there for him in years to come.

 


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys , sorry for not updating for so long! Anyway I am back for Africa and read the to write on a more regular basis, so hope you enjoy :)

Cas sighed and turned in the bed, enjoying the warmth of Hael and Alfie's bodies. In this safe cocoon, he let his eyes flutter gently shut and allowed his mind to wander freely.  
  
It had been a month since the news had come out that he was a prostitute. A month of name calling and being shoved in dumpsters. However, it had also been a month since his life had changed for the better- he had met Dean.

Dean was in one word: wonderful.

Cas learnt that he had a little brother called Sammy (or Sam as he liked to be called) who Dean would actually kill for. He lived twenty minutes away from Castiel in a large (well it was large to Cas) house on the good side of town. His Mum was called Mary Winchester was a kind hearted women and had the same big, green eyes and soft blonde hair that Dean had inherited. His Dad on the other hand was a large, man with an unhealthy obsession with leather jackets and plaid, called John Winchester.

For the first time in, well, ever, Cas had people he could call friends.

Dean, with all his wit and charm, had of course made friends in the first hour of being at school (not that Cas was jealous or anything) . His best friends being a bubbly, redhead girl with an addiction to Harry Potter called Charlie and a beefy and menacing looking but kind- hearted boy called Benny.

The first time Dean had invited him to sit with them at lunch all he could do was stare and nod his head dumbly. Who would have thought a loser like him would be friends with someone so amazing as him?

That was not the only thing that has got better. The name-calling had died down with the teachers just chalking it down to simple teasing rather than anything serious. There had of course been awkward to talk with Mr Joshua but Cas had brushed it off and just claimed it was fine- just a bit of harmless teasing and nothing he couldn't handle.

Ellen had also been a godsend. She had cut his hours and upped his pay. And despite his protesting, every time he went into work she gave him a bag of groceries, enough to keep all three of them stuffed full to the brim with food. Jo also was different. She would squeeze him that bit harder when they hugged and kiss him softer than she had ever done. The first time he went back to work, she had leaped into his arms and cried, thanking him over and over again.

Suddenly, Cas felt his hand being pulled, snapping him out of his daydream.

It was Alfie pulling desperately at his arm, his little fingers digging in uncomfortably deep into his wrist and his little body shaking with fear.

“Cas, Cas wake up”, Alfie squealed in his high pitch voice. “There is a monster outside!”

“Calm down Alfie,” Cas said soothingly, “. No there is nothing to be worried about. No Monsters anywhere and even if there were I would fight them off. Now go back to bed- it's late and you have school tomorrow.”

“Noo! Cas look! It's moving.” Alfie pointed out of the window in the direction of the large wheely bins which stood on the street corner next to the wall.

Cas squinted trying to see what his brother was pointing at, struggling without the use of his glasses. In the distance he could make out an inky shadow moving eerily next to the bins

“Alfie, I'm sure it's nothing, perhaps a stray cat or something. Now go back to bed you little terror.”

“Noooo!” Alfie cried, his eyes filling with tears and his hands gripping Cas’s hand with more urgency. “I'm not going to bed until I find out what it is.”  
  
‘Fuck,’ Cas mentally swore. It was nearly 3am and he needed to sleep. “Ok. I will go look. Stay here and look after Hael.”

Cas swung his feet out of bed and shoved his shoes onto his feet, grimacing as the freezing air hit his thin legs. He grabbed his trench coat and opened the door, walked into the corridor and down the stairs until he reached outside of his apartment block.

Outside, the wind howled around his body, like an angry ghost looking for revenge.

Cas briskly walked over to the bins where the movement had been just a few moments before hand.

Gingerly, he approached the bins, expecting a stray raccoon or something to jump out.

He reached forward to grab the top of the bins, again hearing the rustling sound.

As fast a lightning he threw open the top of the bin and jumped backwards, as if expecting something to jump out and grab him.

Nothing. Fuck.

Slowly, he edged forward to try and get a better look.

Still, there was nothing there.

Cas sighed and was ready to admit defeat. He turned around and started walking back towards the stairs.

Suddenly, he heard something. It sounded like quiet sniffles like a child crying.

‘A child should not be out at night in this area.’ Cas thought. ‘ It was dangerous- they could be beaten up, raped or worse.’

Cas turned back around and looked closer at the bins, his eyes straining against the darkness. Sure enough, there was a huddled figure wedged against the bins and wall.

Their head wa bowed into their knees and the figures shoulders were shuddering and small cries were penetrating the air.

“Hello?” Cas said hesitantly. “Are you ok?”

The figures head shot upwards and Cas could see their eyes staring at him.

“Who are you?” A small, broken voice answered. It was definitely a Child's voice- shrill and hoarse with crying. If Cas was to place a bet, he would say a little girl's voice.

“My names Castiel, What is your name?” Cas said softly, as if he was talking to a wounded animal about to run away.

“My name is Tamara.” The little voice answered.

“Hello Tamara. What are you doing here - where is your mommy or daddy?” Cas asked gently  
  
Tamara broken down into tears again.

“I don't know” she sobbed. “I was visiting my grandads and I got lost.”

Cas winced with pity. At least he had been the one to find her. He can't even begin to imagine what would have happened if some of the lowlifes who live in the apartments would have done.

“Well Tamara I can help you find them.” Cas said with conviction. “If you come out I can call someone who can help us. Do you think you can do that?”

Cas saw Tamara little head nod and saw the little girl start to crawl forwards, edging her way towards him.

“There we go- good girl.” Cas praised as he reached forward and gathered her into his arms.

He wrapped her up in his coat, picked her up and started walking slowly towards his apartment.

Up close, he could now see her features. She was about six years old, had dark skin and large, almond shaped eyes which were glistening with unshed tears. Her dark hair was pulled up into two small pigtails on the side of her head and she was wearing a small pink dress with matching hair bands.

Even under the dirt, her dress looked expensive and Cas could tell someone cared for her.

Finally, they reached the apartment and Cas opened the door to see Alfie sitting up in bed.

“Who is that?” He demanded. “Is that the monster who was outside!?”

“Alfie don't be silly.” Cas chided gently, trying not to walk Hael. “Her name is Tamara and she is lost. Now go to bed.”

Alfie grumbled but did what he was told, sliding back under the covers and cuddling up to Hael.

Cas walked over to the sofa and gently placed the child down. Tamara had gone quiet and was almost half asleep.

She started simpering again when his body warmth left hers.

“Tamara, honey, I know this is hard but you need to try and get some rest. I'm going to call someone who is going to help find your grandads, ok.”

Tamara nodded but didn't say anything. Her head started to droop and her face relaxed. Cas knew she was just about asleep.

Slowly, Cas stood up from the sofa and walked towards his backpack and grabbed his phone which was in the pocket. He typed in 911 and put the phone up to his ear.

“911, what is your emergency?” A woman's voice on the end of the phone said.

“Yes, hello, my name is Castiel Novak and I would like to report that I have found a missing child.”

“Sir, what is the Child's name?”

Cas could hear the clicking of a computer through the speaker.

“Tamara.”

“Surname?”

Shit. Cas didn't know and he really didn't want to wake the sleeping girl up.

“Sorry, don't know.”

The line went quiet and all Cas could hear was small breaths of the operator.

“That's ok, sir. Could you possibly tell me your location and we will send a police officer over to investigation."

Cas handed over his address and after a few more quick questions the operator hung up and Cas was left in silence.

All he could do was wait for someone to knock of his door.


	15. Chapter 15

A harsh knocking woke Cas from his daydreams.

He rubbed his eyes and made his way over to the door, rubbing the sleep from his eyes as he unlocked the door.

On the other side of the door there were two figures. They were police officers standing there stoically in their uniforms.

One was a woman with brown hair cropped into a pixie cut. She had a round face with bright eyes. Although she was physically small, Cas was positive that she could take him down in a heartbeat. The other police officer was a dark, imposing man who was standing with his arms crossed. Cas could see his muscles from rippling under his uniform. Despite the scowl on his face, Cas could see the kindness in his eyes.

“Hello is this the residence of Castiel Novak?” The female police officer asked. “My names is Jody Mills and this is my partner Victor Henriksen and we are here to answer a call about a missing child named Tamara?”

“Yes that's right.” Cas answered. “She's right through here sleeping.”

Cas gestured behind him at the old broken sofa.

“I found her behind the bins on the estate. She said got lost from her Grandad’s house.”

“You did right to call us,” Jody said kindly, “her family have been going crazy with worry.”

“Do you want to come in and wake her up for yourself or do you want me to go and get her?” Cas asked hesitantly, not knowing the correct etiquette for when police were standing at your door.

“I think we should come in and see her. Would it be ok if her mum and Grandad came up as well?- they have both been getting a bit agitated waiting in the police car.”

Cas nodded his head and opened the door to let the officers into the cramped apartment. However, only Jody walked in and Victor waited outside.

He watched as Victor made a call into his walkie-talkie asking the family to come up the stairs and meet him next to the door.

“I will wait here for the family.” He said gruffly. “Jody will accompany you to the child.”

Cas nodded again and walked deeper into the apartment, glancing behind his shoulder to see that Jody was following him closely.

He walked until he faced the brown couch where Tamara was nowhere to be found. Urgently he pressed down on the covers and looked behind the couch, thinking that Tamara may have woken up afraid and hidden.

“I swear she was here a minute ago.” Cas said in a small voice to the disbelieving police officer.

“She better be” Jody said in a biting tone. “May is remind you it is an offence to waste an officer of the laws time, especially in a missing child's case.”

Cas gulped and his eyes widened almost comically, wondering how to respond to such a blatened threat.

Suddenly, he heard a giggle coming from behind the blue curtain. Quick as lightning he strode towards the noise, and ripped open the frayed curtain and let out a sigh of relief as he saw what was behind it.

Tamara, Hael and Alfie were making a pillow fought in the bed.

“Thank actual fuck.” Cas whispered as he felt the swell of panic lessen slightly inside of him.

Without warning, the front door slammed open and a young women ran in. She had curly brown hair that was cut in a wild bob. She had dark circles under her hazel eyes which were wide with worry and wet with unshed tears. Her movements were sporadic, as she darted across the room towards Castiel and Jody.

She looked like a madwoman.

“Baby!” She yelled as she spotted Tamara on the bed. “Oh, my baby”

“MOMMY!” Tamara screamed at the tops of her lungs as she launched herself at the women, landing heavily in her arms with her legs winding round her waist like an octopus.

The women fell to her knees, still holding her daughter. There were tears streaming down her face as she kissed Tamara's face wetly as she wept in relief.

“My baby, my beautiful, gorgeous baby.” She mumbled into the young girls hair. “Thank god your safe. God, I have been sick with worry”

“Thank you, thank you so much” she said quietly in a wobbly voice as she stroked Tamara’s wild, unkempt hair. “I don't know what I would have done.”

“It Ok,” Cas said awkwardly. “It’s what any decent human being would have done”

“No.” She said in a forceful voice as she looked at Cas dead in the eyes. “Thank you. I would not have lived if something had… if something had happened to her.”

She looked away from him and she went back to nuzzling her daughters hair.

Cas had never seen such a sight. A mother obviously going mad with anxiety at the lost of her child. Her baby. It made him feel odd, emotions swirling around inside his head. Of course he was ecstatic that Tamara had found her mother, but also a pinch of jealousy stabbed his heart as she watched the pure love between a mother and her child. He wanted that. That raw love that they had.

Suddenly the door banged open again and in came officer Henrickson and another figure who was breathing heavily walked into the door, clutching his chest with his face facing the floor so that Cas could not clearly see his face.

Suddenly, the man looked up and made eye contact with him.

“Cas?” The man breathed.

“Joshua?” Cas said in disbelief. Cause how in actual fuck was his history teacher standing in front of him in his shitty, run-down apartment?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for taking so long - I had writers bloc :(. Hope this doesn't suck too much!!

**Author's Note:**

> Hiyya, thanks for reading :) English is not my first language and sometimes I struggle with spelling and grammar, so feel free to tell me if something sounds odd or is my grammar is incorrect- thanks in advance. 
> 
> Also.... Kudos and comments make my day!


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